I've always wanted to blog. Not that anyone besides me will ever read this.
So what am I about? I am in my final year of nursing school. I do stupid things. I have disordered eating habits (hence the title hungry hungry hypocrite). I've been loosing weight for the past 5 or 6 weeks and I know I don't go about it in a healthy way. I do know better but It feels good to slip back into old habits.
I lost weight the first time in high school. In 2001 my freshman year of high school I went from about 180 lbs to 138lbs. My Junior year I gained a lot of it back and got up to 164. Senior year I was down to about 155. In 2006 I went from 155 lbs to 125lbs and in 2008 I was down to 119lbs. 2009 I gained a little back and was up to 135. 2010 I quit smoking and started the nursing program at my school and was drinking a lot and eating shitty and gained 20 more pounds. Then I got into a car accident and hurt my back and my mom got cancer and passed away this past January and I gained more weight. Last May (2011) I was up to 176 lbs. May 5 of this year I was still like 173 pounds and something just clicked and I started going back to the gym. I broke up with my boyfriend on the 19th of May and moved back in with my dad and I'm now at 153 lbs. I've been bulimic since high school. Sometimes I'll go months without any issues. Sometimes I'm b/p every day several times a day.
I know 153 is really heavy. I'm only 5'3" so it really is. But today I wore a pair of jeans that are a size 9 which was the first time I'd worn a single digit pair of jeans in over 2 years. I know that it's going to take time to get back to where I was in 2008 but I wish it was happening faster for me.
I'm going on vacation in 10 days and I'm having a lot of anxiety about it because I wanted to have lost a lot more weight...
I drank way too much last night and hadn't eaten in days and so now I'm still hung over and it's 9pm. I'm talking to someone new and I made an ass of myself. I'm beating myself up a lot today. Also I used the c word numerous times in front of a girl who HATES the word and I'm feeling like an ass about that too. Plus the calories obviously.
I guess that's enough for a first post.
